Big Feelings — Pt. 2

From the book Big Feelings by Liz Fosslien & Mollie West Duffy, I’d like to share a continuation of my learnings after Part 1.

The emotions covered are perfectionism, despair, and regret.

Perfectionism: Demand for flawlessness.

You can have perfectionist tendencies — even if you feel far from perfect. Scrap the idea that perfectionism serves you.
Recognize when good enough is good enough. B+ work can still be solid and make a difference.
Move away from all-or-nothing thinking, and avoid the words “always” and “never.” You haven't failed if you can’t complete something to your standard.

Don't judge yourself. if you're suffering, you're suffering. Despair is absolute to the person who’s in it, so don’t rank your feelings to what others are going through.
To get through the day, chunk time not day-by-day, but moment-to-moment. Pick a creature comfort that you can get lost in at your lowest — binging a show, reading a book, or maybe even a little ice cream.🍦
When you’re in free fall, put out a single “climbing pick.” Do one small thing to slow the fall. Take out the trash, send one text, or make your bed. A tiny win will soothe you.
Despair can persist, but know it will evolve. If you come “undone,” you can always find your way back.

A #NoRegrets life isn't possible; there are always trade-offs. Allow yourself to grieve what wasn't.
Understand what type of regret you're feeling.
- For hindsight regret, ask yourself 1) how well you could have predicted it and 2) know you made decisions based on the best available information. And remember that sometimes good decisions have bad outcomes for which you are not to blame.
- For alternate-self regret, remember you’re romanticizing what could have been. For all the lives you didn’t live, this one is special because you picked it.
- For rushing-in regrets, reflect on how you felt about a decision at the time you were making it. Ask yourself gently why you threw caution to the wind. And aim next time to sleep on big decisions or talk with a trusted friend.
- For dragging-out regrets, be kind now and spend time with yourself. What fears or factors held you back last time? Is there anything holding you back from acting this time? How can you get closure and agency for the future?
- For ignoring-your-instincts regret, give your gut some credit and then cut yourself some slack. Inquire with peace: what made you not act on your instincts (e.g. people pleasing)? How can you listen and act in the future?
Be gentle with yourself; we all make mistakes. Remember that regret will soften over time.

Man, what a phenomenal book to process the hard stuff. Hope it gave you some clarity; it really did for me.

Have a great weekend!