Doorknobs

My brother Sameer sent me a fascinating article on good conversation. The key? Giving doorknobs.

People can be categorized as givers (ask questions, invite conversation) or takers (make statements, drive conversation). Both are valuable, but imbalances can lead to problems.

Givers can pepper with mundane questions, or takers can command too much of the spotlight.

The author’s advice is to focus on giving virtual doorknobs (or affordances) for people to easily latch on to and open a conversation door:

• Ask a deeper question. (e.g ‘What has made you smile recently?’ vs. ‘How are you?’)

• Make a bolder claim. (e.g. ‘I flew through an absolute page-turner that you’ll love!’ vs. ‘I read a cool book.’)

He ended with a great quotation:

”Talking to another person is like rock climbing, except you are my rock wall and I am yours. If you reach up, I can grab onto your hand, and we can both hoist ourselves skyward. Maybe that’s why a really good conversation feels a little bit like floating.”